Decoding marriage

Decoding marriage

Shivi Verma is of the opinion that marriages are not made  in heaven but on our karma bhoomi, which we all have  come to, to learn our lessons 

While going to my hometown for the  Diwali holidays, I met  a young woman in the aircraft  that I was in. She was a practising  tarot reader who had clients in  both India and abroad. We got  chatting, and she began to share  her experiences of reading for  them with me. She said that most  women who approached her were  the ones who were suffering in the  in-laws’ home and wanted to get  some remedy. They had to bear  some form of domestic abuse and  wanted to know why if she could  help them change the attitude of  people in their lives. 

I asked her what advice she gave  such women. She said that she  advised them to focus on their  career and financial security  instead of trying to get astrological  remedies because they would only  work in the short term. She also  said that she has become sceptical  of entering marriage herself after  hearing these painful stories  and feels that marriage is highly  overrated. 

On pondering over this, I feel  that the problem lies not in  marriage but in our expectations  from it. We enter it with a lot of  hopes, and when reality does not  meet our expectations, we cry  rivers. Let’s not forget that we  

all are karmic beings inhabiting  this planet. Most relationships  that are difficult or painful are  those where we are paying our  karmic debts. Marital ones are  no exceptions, which explains  the number of challenges they are  fraught with. They are meant to  trigger us into finding and fixing  our blind spots. Therefore, it is  important that before children  reach marriageable age, we  give them a grounding in the  spiritual sciences. It is important  to teach them the significance of  meditation, self-reflection, self honesty, and spiritual cleansing of  the mind. 

Not only do these practices  mitigate karmic effects but they  also help us develop clarity of  mind as well as control over our  impulses—things which go a  long way in maintaining healthy  relationships. Furthermore,  spirituality and inner work have  the power to build self-esteem,  break unhealthy patterns, raise  our vibrations, heal past baggage,  and attract the best possible  relationships into our lives. 

And even if a few karmic  entanglements remain to be  faced, we can deal with them with  patience, courage, and strength.  Spirituality gives us the fortitude  to see the larger picture, take our  

lessons from the situation, and  move on when we internally feel  called to. It gives us the faith that  the Universe has our back and  that a bigger, better life awaits us  beyond the confines of traditional  marriage if despite giving our  best we continue to get shoddy  treatment.  

Though a spiritual grounding  in no way guarantees a bulwark  against all adversities of life, it  does pay to be well prepared and  have the bandwidth necessary to  face the vagaries of life. While one  need not be extremely negative  about the institution of marriage,  it is best to enter it with realistic  expectations and not hinge our  happiness on the amiability of  those living with us.  

Lessons in self-love come in handy  in a world where people may or  may not return the love we give  them. But whatever we sow does  come around, whether sooner or  later. So never give up on love, and  continue to radiate it, regardless  of the situation you are in. 

Editor of Life Positive, Shivi  Verma is a devotee who found  all her answers in loving God  passionately. 

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