Five awesome reasons to stay a victim

Five awesome reasons to stay a victim

June 2013

By Aalif Surti

Being a victim is the most popular massive multiplayer offline role-playing game that we play on the planet today, says Aalif Surti

Some of us who are familiar with New Age philosophy (read – Deepak Chopra/Wayne Dyer); do sense it with vague uneasiness. That we have something called ‘choice,’ which means that we are not really victims at work or in our marriages. However, it is easy for them to say, when they have a Malibu mansion, and charge $1,800 an hour to open their mouth.

For the rest of us, I say, “Why not enjoy it?” Therefore, here are five uber-cool reasons to stay a victim for the rest of your life.

1. There is lots of company

What would you gossip around the water-cooler about without a common face on the dartboard? Being a victim is social butter

– you can get into any group if you just find the right subject to complain about – the recession, politician, or consumerism – Obama, Osama, or your mama.

2. You never have to stand for anything

Because, you always stand against everything. You can join online forums and chat groups, about “people-who-have-a-problem.” You do not need to stand up and risk being pelted or make mistakes – you have a permanent seat in the peanut gallery.

3. You can avoid foo-foo things like love and forgiveness

After all, you are the victim around here. As my saintly bro Gyandev (GD) says, “Deep down, every victim hates others for dominating, controlling, and defeating him.” How cool is that? With such solid reasons, forgiveness can kiss my behind!

4. You do not need to make any decisions

Woohoo! How does a free ride in life get any better than this? See, nothing is in your hands in the first place. Your boss, your family, money, your dog – everyone has taken away your freedom. Even if you made decisions, who would listen to them? In addition, it is amazing, how much you can get others to do for you with a little well-placed guilt.

5. You can have so much drama in your marriage!

Marriages are such door-slamming fun with two victims – never a dull moment with both partners planning solid defense-attack-counter attack strategies. I may not win, bitch, but I will not let you win either! Go for it.

In addition, while we are at it, let us shut up all those damn teachers who say that I am choosing every day to be a victim, out of the fear of being responsible and powerful. GD even says a needy, clingy poor-me never gets admiration, respect, and love. However, not being loved is a small price to pay – sympathy is just love decaf, if you ask me. Moreover, who the heck wants to be a happy, joyous, and radiant person, who is a blessing to himself, his family, and to the entire planet? Down here is where the pity party is.