Shadow self

Shadow self

November 2023

Embracing my shadow side

By embracing all her rejected parts and giving them loving acceptance, Suma Varughese  is reaching a greater level of integration 

In the last few months, the  one practice that I have been  dedicatedly following is to work  towards accepting all my thoughts,  feelings, and physical sensations.  The practice is simple. Each time I  become aware of a thought, feeling,  or physical sensation, I affirm that  I accept it. Slowly, I begin to add  other strands to this affirmation  as I become more aware of them.  One is that all of them are coming  up for healing. They are active  because I have not accepted  them. I have rejected them. Been  ashamed of them. Or feared them.  My coping mechanism was to  push them out of the periphery of  my consciousness. But they still  remained as aspects of my identity.  I even owned them. My anger, my fear, my absent-mindedness, my poor memory, my low self-control,  and my poor self-esteem. I protested  when they appeared. And writhed  at the consequences of the actions  they incited me to take. But I was  unable to rise above them. These  various parts of me boxed me  and limited me, determined my  behaviour, affected my health and  happiness, and stymied my growth  and relationships. 

I therefore began to realise that  these rejected parts were here  not only to heal but to make me  more whole. All these parts of me  out in the cold, not yet integrated  within me, held the secret to my  wholeness. Unless I was able to  fully accept and assimilate them,  I would be unable to lead a whole hearted life, a life where I was  fully at peace with myself, had  taken back my power, and felt in  control of myself. Thus, the next  strand of my affirmation was that  they were here to heal and to make  me more whole. Their showing up  was valid. I had created them by  not accepting them. Only I could  uncreate them by taking them  deep within me and giving them  the space to be. Consequently, I  began to utter that I validated them  and honoured them. The result was  dramatic. I could feel my mind  expanding in deepest relief as  if, finally, it had been given the  elixir it had been longing for.  Honouring them particularly  seemed to delight it. Wow, am  I worthy of being honoured? it  seemed to ask. And the final  strand of affirmation emerged  when I began taking them deep  within me and anchoring them  to my breath. This movement  within and going deeper and  deeper into my breath is slowly  moving me away from the region  of the mind to the region of the  body. The more I established  myself in my breath, the more  centred and calm I became, and  the less became the tumult of the  mind. 

As this practice deepened, it  became easier for me to be with  what was. When my mind would  clamour to eat a particular treat, I  would accept its desire and talk to  it, promising that I would do it if  it really wanted it, but perhaps we  could wait until the body was more  able to take it. Similarly, when it  wanted to watch TV or check the  phone or scroll on Facebook, I was  able to reason with it. The result  has been a slowing of the mind.  The impulses are no longer so  lightning-fast that I am helpless to  control them. There is, in general,  greater amity within all parts of  me and greater integration. And  this is manifesting in a greater  capacity to flow with life, to align  with reality. To accept what is. 

tI have a long way to go. I often slip  and fall. The impulses sometimes  overpower me. But when that  happens, I lovingly accept them  and the consequences of their  actions. Only that will heal them.  And make me more whole. 

Suma Varughese is a teacher of words and wisdom. She broadcasts spiritual truths and a love for  writing in her various capacities as columnist, writer, writing coach, and the founder-facilitator  of the popular Zen of Good Writing Course. She  is the former editor of Life Positive and Society  

magazines. She has authored Travelling Light,  Travelling Lighter, and 50 Life Lessons. She can be  

contacted at sumavarughese@gmail.com 

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