Walking with death

July 2016

By Suma Varughese

Meditating on death is healing her of her fears, and helping her embrace the moment, says Suma Varughese

Most spiritual masters and teachers advocate meditating on death. They affirm, time and time again, that only death can give us the secret of life. At some level I understood this, because during the time of my spiritual awakening I was in touch with this and other truths. Around that time, the father of a friend had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and was understandably traumatised by the news. But what struck me with wonder was that he had so little time left, and even that little, he was wasting in resistance and worry.

However, that high state soon left me, and death once again became a cipher, a mystery that I knew I must one day address. Over the last few years, life aka God, has taken it upon itself to impose this teaching on me. Several close ones were diagnosed with serious ailments. And perforce I had to take on Death, and experience it intimately.Most spiritual masters and teachers advocate meditating on death. They affirm, time and time again, that only death can give us the secret of life. At some level I understood this, because during the time of my spiritual awakening I was in toouch with this and other truths. Around that time, the father of a friend had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and was understandably traumatised by the news. But what struck me with wonder was that he had so little time left, and even that little, he was wasting in resistance and worry.

Over time, I came to terms with the death of others. The truth is no one is immortal and some day, we all have to go. Most of my close ones were old, and it was inevitable that they would some day go. I believe most of us shy away from this truth, which is why death appears so diabolical, stealing away what we hold dearest to our hearts.

Death is the ultimate end to all life. And we have to factor that in. Yes, we may never want out loved ones to leave us. But is that possible? Yes, we never want sickness or death to touch us. But is that possible?

Far more than life, it is death which is certain. Life is uncertain. We only control the present moment. Death, however, is certain, and every moment takes us closer to it. Indeed, we are walking hand in hand with death, every moment. That being so, why waste time fearing and dreading it? Let us instead focus powerfully on the precious moment, the only measure of life granted to us.

Once this truth sinks in, we will do the logical thing, and enjoy our loved ones and life itself in the moment as much as we can. For no other time is guaranteed to us. The future, I have realised, simply does not exist. Its disappearance has liberated me from fears of my own mortality.

I suffer from respiratory and stomach issues. While tussling with one of them, I asked myself what would happen if they were to get worse? I would enjoy them, came the stout response. I was astounded. All my life, illness has thrown me into a welter of worry and anxiety because of the fear that they would get successively worse and spin me into ever spiralling depths of misery and pain. But with fear of the future gone, and only the present to enjoy, even the worst moment seemed bearable, because it was only a moment. The next moment was God’s problem, and not mine, and I had no business peeking into it.

How simple life appears when I see life in this perspective. All the desires, all the longing, all the fears and anxieties, rooted in a domain simply not in my control, and therefore not my business. In its place stands the present moment; to be fully enjoyed and experienced, even the bad bits, for they too are mine, and not to be rejected.

Walking with death is freeing me of that other spectre, fear. And it is plunging me full tilt into life. Could any teaching be more priceless?

Suma Varughese is a thinker, writer, and Editor-in-Chief of Life Positive. She also holds writer’s workshops. Write to her at suma@lifepositive.net